Early on in my career, I’d often spend a little too much time quickly replying to my manager’s "thinking out loud" emails when she wasn’t expecting an immediate response. I realized this four weeks after joining, when I had already spent a significant amount of time and energy crafting careful replies.
The workplace is full of these invisible expectations and unspoken preferences. We assume others work the way we do, communicate the way we communicate, and interpret feedback through the same lens. But the reality is messier (and more interesting) than that.
How do you avoid weeks of trial and error of figuring out how each teammate works? Through a "how to work with me" manual. In this guide, I’ll share what this document is, why you need one, and how to create it.
What is a "how to work with me" manual?
A "how to work with me" manual is a guide for understanding someone’s work preferences. It includes things like communication styles, how they prefer to receive feedback, their working hours, and more.
For example, if you work remotely, it’s helpful to know someone’s working hours so you can be mindful of avoiding scheduling meetings with them at odd times of the day. As a leader, it’s also extremely helpful to understand how your team interprets feedback and what motivates them the most.
When done right, a "how to work with me" manual for each team member, including leadership, can be a massive time saver and productivity booster. Let’s outline its benefits.
Do you need a "how to work with me" manual? (Most likely, yes)
Most people, no matter what kind of job they’re in, will benefit from having a "how to work with me" document.
If you’re a leader: Creating one such doc for yourself provides immense clarity to your team about how you prefer to work, communicate, and offer feedback. Eric Doty, Head of Marketing at Dock, explained how having a "how to work with me" manual from the company’s CEO helped him structure his day better and create more impact. He explains with an example:
“[In this doc], he mentioned that he needs my help managing projects and keeping things on track. That's really helpful for a leader to say to their team because you might expect the leader to be the one guiding the ship. But sometimes, a senior leader’s attention needs to be on so many things that they need you to keep them on track.”
If you’re working within a team: Having a "how to work with me" document can speed up the learning curve, where you understand each other’s working preferences. Hailley Griffis, Content & Communications Lead at Buffer, explains:
“As individuals, we use them to better collaborate across the company. Sometimes you have a preference that you haven't fully written down. Maybe you hate phone calls and it wasn't until you were prompted that you realized you much prefer seeing people's faces if you're going to be on a call. The work blueprints can offer a shortcut for collaboration and for sharing personal preferences in this way.”
For example, a Doister shared their schedules, meeting preferences, and tool stack in their "how to work with me" doc which can make it easy for teammates to schedule meetings, collaborate, etc. and for leadership to provide direction & the right kind of tasks.
If you’re working independently: Sending your "how to work with me" manual might be more important when you're working as a freelancer, consultant, or any other type of independent contractor because you need to set the right expectations from day one. You often don’t have regular check-ins or team culture signals to understand your client’s working style or explain your preferences. Here’s a snippet shared by another freelance writer, Laura Bosco (it inspired mine!):
If your whole team creates a "how to work with me" document, you’ll see plenty of benefits as a team, too:
New hires will be able to catch up and understand their teammates faster
You can explain preferences in writing that might be difficult/awkward to say out loud
You build more camaraderie with your colleagues (especially if you’re a leader) by investing time in understanding their working style
You can set clear expectations and avoid misunderstandings by sharing things like your deep work hours, average reply time, etc. (especially in a remote or hybrid setup)
If you haven’t ever created a "how to work with me" document, it can be tricky to understand where to begin. What do you include? How much is too much? The next section will answer all these questions.
How to create a "how to work with me" manual in 3 steps
Okay, now you’re convinced of the importance of a "how to work with me" doc. But how do you go about creating one? Here’s a step-by-step guide:
Step 1: Outline your working preferences
If you’re creating your own work blueprint for the first time, prepare for a cathartic ride. It can be a really reflective experience to outline your own strengths, weaknesses, communication style, feedback preferences, and more. Eric elaborates:
“A side effect of making a work manual for yourself (and keeping it up to date over the years) is that you really learn your own strengths and weaknesses in terms of how it is to work with you. It’s a good reminder for yourself of where your strengths are and where you need to make improvements. It’s almost like going to therapy.”
When you’re in the outlining stage, you can go as deep as you like. Treat it as a reflective exercise for yourself. You don’t have to include everything you outline in the final document.
Here are some prompts you can use to start reflecting:
What are some of your strengths and blind spots?
What are your working hours, and how do you structure your day?
When are you available for meetings? Do you prefer cameras on or off?
What is your working style: color-coded calendar, or more spontaneous?
How do you prefer to receive feedback (written, video call, in-person, etc.)?
How do you prefer to communicate about various projects (Slack, email, calls)?
Julie Zhou, co-founder at Sundial, adds to write down the vulnerable, real stuff that is specific to you:
“Leave out the generic fluff that everyone would agree with, like “I get motivated when my work has an impact.” Can you be more specific and tell us what kind of impact is motivating to you (and what kind isn’t?). The most effective User Guides contain snippets that might make you feel vulnerable, like you’re letting the team see you unplugged, in your PJs with rumpled hair. But vulnerability is the secret ingredient to trust. When you acknowledge your imperfections, you will receive far more rewards in the form of support, mentorship, and empathy. And you invite others to be more open with you as well.”
The first step is being honest with yourself and writing openly about how you like to work. The next step is refining your draft before sharing it with your team.
Step 2: Decide on a structure for your "work with me" document with your team
If you’re creating a work blueprint to work better with your team, it’s best to decide on a template that everyone can use. This will help avoid too long or too short "how to work with me" docs that don’t explain everything you need to know. For example, at Buffer, here’s how each employee structures the document:
The key is hitting the sweet spot with the length of the "how to work with me" manual. You don’t want it to be so long that people have too much to remember at once. It should be easy to reference. But it also shouldn’t be so short that it doesn’t add any value in your collaborations.
If you’re in a leadership role, include extra sections about how you provide feedback, your leadership style, what your teammates can expect in 1:1 meetings, and how your team can offer you feedback. For example, at Dock, the CEO (Alex) clearly mentions to request deeper feedback if required, which helps his team be more specific in what kind of feedback they need.
Struggling to create a structure for your "how to work with me" document? Here are some sections you can include:
Introduction: Share where you’re based or from, the timezone you work in, and your typical working hours. This can help your teammates avoid reaching out in the wee hours of the night. Mention special cases, too. For example, if you’re unavailable during your kid’s pick-up/drop-off time or bedtime. If you work asynchronously, you can also add details about the flexibility of your schedule if you like.
Communication style: Include your communication preferences. Do you prefer most communication to be async? Are there specific instances where you’d want to connect on a call? You can also include things like whether you prefer small talk or want a direct but friendly chat. This would also be the section to include your average response time and ways to contact you in case something urgent comes up.
Working style: Explain what conditions help you do your best work. Do you prefer to make gut-based decisions or root everything in data? Would you perform better under guidance or do you work best in maximum autonomy? If you’re in a leadership position, also include details about how you’d like your teammates to seek your feedback and approval. Do you want to offer feedback in every step of the process? Or would you prefer everyone to work more independently and move fast?
Approach to feedback: In this section, share how you like to give and receive feedback. Do you prefer to get written feedback first so you can absorb it before discussing it on a call? And would you like to receive feedback regularly or in 1:1 meetings only? Similarly, explain how you usually prefer to give feedback: right after a project or only when asked? Are you more diplomatic or direct?
Strengths and what you’re working on: Share where you excel and what you can improve on. When your teammates already have an idea about your blindspots, they can help you avoid them better. Others can also better assess what work will suit your strengths best. When explaining your areas of improvement, also highlight how you’re working to remove or navigate them and how your teammates can help.
Stress indicators: We all deal with experience and deal with stress in unique ways. Help your teammates identify the signals when you’re stressed and explain how you’d prefer to handle the situation. Do you want to handle tensions right away or take time and a more private approach? This might seem unnecessary and a little scary to share with your colleagues, but it can be really helpful to navigate tense situations. Here’s an example from a Doister:
Leadership style: If you’re responsible for leading a team, create a separate section to share your expectations with your team members. How should they communicate with you? What counts as success in your book? How involved should you be in day-to-day projects?
Personal quirks: You can add some tidbits about your life outside of work to make this document more human and fun. Talk about your dog, for example, or any hobby you’re passionate about. It doesn’t need to be elaborate, just show a touch of you outside of work.
Note
Remember: Your "how to work with me" doc should align with your company culture. If your organization has a reply within 6–7 hours on Slack policy, for example, it doesn’t make sense to go against that in your manual.
The final step is making sure the blueprints you and your team create get used consistently and intentionally.
Step 3: Add "how to work with me" docs into your workflow
You don’t want to create individual work blueprints with your team and let them collect dust. To ensure you get the maximum out of these manuals’ potential, add them to your day-to-day workflows.
Make it a nonnegotiable part of employee onboarding so someone new joining the team can instantly understand their team’s working styles and vice-versa
If you’re collaborating with contractors, add this doc to your workflows. For example, you can add a link to it in the task description in Todoist
Normalize referencing "how to work with me" manuals during 1:1 calls with your team members, conflict resolution, project kickoff meetings, and at the start of new collaborations
Take a moment to check if you need to update your collaboration blueprint after a performance review. Perhaps there’s been a change in your working style or the way you’d like to receive feedback
The more you work with someone and learn their working style, the less you’ll need to reference their work blueprint. But the goal is to make this document a natural part of your workflows and processes.
For example, it could be a team ritual that you take a refresher of your team’s collab styles right before kicking off a new project, quarter, or year.
7 pro tips to remember while creating a "how to work with me" manual
Now that you’ve built the foundation of your "how to work with me" manual, it’s time to level it up. Keep these seven pro tips in mind to make sure it’s not only informative, but actually actionable, empathetic, and easy for others to use.
1: Update your "how to work with me" doc regularly
Your work blueprint is always a work in progress. As your life changes, so do your working preferences. Maybe you’re a new parent now. Or perhaps you’re promoted to a leadership role. All these changes affect how you work today, and your "how to work with me" document should reflect that.
Set a reminder to refresh your work blueprint regularly. You can add a yearly reminder to begin with, but don’t be afraid to update it anytime, especially when your life’s milestones shape your work preferences.
2: Provide some context for your preferences (if necessary)
Some work preferences may be misunderstood as demands without the right context around them.
For example, if you’re unavailable during the middle of the day because you’re on school pickup duty, instead of simply writing, “Unavailable from 12-2 p.m.,” you can say, “I’m offline 12-2 p.m. from Mon-Wed for school pickup, but available after from 6-8 p.m. on those days if needed.”
You definitely don’t need to do this for every preference, but if you think a pointer demands it, it doesn’t hurt to provide a one-line context.
3: Ask your team members to offer feedback about your work blueprint
We’re all strangers to some of our own blindspots. When you’re creating your "how to work with me" document, ask a teammate to provide some feedback about your working style.
What are some weaknesses that you can work on, according to them?
What do they think are your communication preferences? When and how do you respond the best?
How do you react in stressful situations? What do you handle well and what can you improve?
For example, a Doister directly shares quotes from feedback they’ve been given from someone they’ve worked with in their "how to work with me" doc:
Take stock of how your current working style aligns with your document by seeking feedback regularly. This ensures your blueprint isn’t aspirational, but an actual, honest reflection of your preferences.
4: Frame your preferences with a solution-based framing
Words can be powerful. While drafting your final, shareable version of the "how to work with me" doc, try to ensure you phrase your habits and preferences in a positive direction.
For example, instead of saying, “I don’t work well with impromptu brainstorm meeting invites,” you can phrase the same thing as, “I do my best work with advance notice, so I appreciate any meeting invites at least a few hours ahead.”
When you phrase your preferences positively or neutrally, you transform your work blueprint into a welcoming resource.
5: Store your blueprints in a place that’s easy to reference
It should be super easy to find everyone’s "how to work with me" doc. If you already use a handbook or centralized hub for storing everything related to your company, store these documents there, too.
You can also add them to your Slack profile, Todoist sections, or email sign-offs.
6: Treat preferences as a guideline, not rigid rules
Maintain a spirit of “let’s support everyone’s preferences as much as possible,” while recognizing they’re not immovable rules.
For example, if you need to schedule a meeting outside someone’s preferred hours once a month, don’t scrap the idea entirely. Ask which day or week works best for them.
Remember the ultimate goal of a blueprint is to make collaboration easier and smoother, not more difficult.
7: Keep your document short and skimmable
Don’t make your work blueprint so long that it’s a time-consuming task to read. Remember, your teammates will also be referencing this on a regular basis. Provide a TL;DR section of it so it’s easily skimmable.
A one-page document can change how you work with everyone around you. Most workplace friction actually doesn't come from bad intentions. It comes from different expectations.
Your leader sends a late-night email, and you scramble to respond, not knowing they weren’t expecting an immediate reply. Your teammate schedules a call during your deep work block because they didn't know it existed. A "how to work with me" manual eliminates these invisible speed bumps. Create yours today and spend less time navigating personalities, more time doing great work together.
